Shifting Sadness

Using Landman as a guide to life

My daughter recently received her Iron Ring. The Iron Ring is given to engineers in Canada as a way to remind them of the serious nature of their job. My father is an engineer and was able to present her with her ring at the closed ceremony. He’d wanted me to come along for the drive for company.

He’s still not out of the woods healthwise (the latest post-treatment scan was not clear) and I felt obligated to accompany him on the journey. He rented a Tesla SUV since his vehicle is a summer-only 1980s convertible and I no longer drive. We drove to the venue where the semi-secret ceremony was to be held, they went to the event while I waited in another building, and then we all met up with my son for a quick lunch.

On the way home, the battery charge on the Tesla started to plummet. It went from 41% to 13% in under 20 minutes. My dad’s previous car was electric and my son worked for an electric car company as a porter and this clearly was not normal. We barely made it to a charging station near a big box mall and the thing was bricked. We told the rental company that we were leaving the vehicle at a nearby restaurant, giving the hostess the keys. My dad still requires a feeding tube to eat and could not wait around with this vehicle which - according to its GPS history - had been at a collision center the day before we rented it. We grabbed an Uber to get us back to the city. It took us the better part of two hours. The tow truck would not arrive for 16 hours however, so it was a good call. The rental company was not good which makes you wonder why buy all their insurances since it counts for nothing.

It broke me.

It was the final straw. The late 2025 stress of losing my mom, and my dad being sick, and me not knowing if I was sick, and my daughter being in a country that might be invading this one shredded my nervous system. In January had a client cancel on me two days before kicking off the course - annoying when one is prepaying for an expensive trip to Asia - and then wanted me to double up on teaching in the spring and give someone else permission to teach my course when I was away in the summer. I was annoyed. I taught the day after my mom died, not wanting to let my students down or be in breach of contract. Now that this client was the one breaching the terms, I saw the chance to hit the eject button and I took it. Course cancelled. Full stop. I wouldn’t get paid but I’ve learned that there are times in life when money really does not matter. Health is wealth, as they say.

While all of this was going on, the renovations next door had taken a turn. When they freed the bulldozer after the massive snowstorm, they continued the jackhammering work. Digging out a basement is unpleasant enough in warm weather. When there are subarctic conditions, the digging becomes unbearable. I’ve been very patient even though they were jackhammering and bulldozing two feet from my property line when I was housebound from my surgical recovery. My house in renovated and so I get this this needs to be done in the city. But when digging through frozen rock and earth shook a wire loose in my alarm system, scaring the shit (literally) out of Teddy and triggering a visit from my security guys, I called the city inspector. Off my shoulders and onto theirs. They filed a report. Engineers have been called. Since then, everything has been quiet.

The day after were were stranded in our busted Tesla, I cried for 4 days straight. I cried for all of the things I should have cried about over the last 20 years but didn’t because I had responsibilities and had to put one foot in front of another. For the first time, I had no kids at home, money in the bank, and nobody else in acute crisis. I cried and ate ice cream and watched a lot of TV. As someone who has struggled with anxiety and depression, I wondered if this was heading somewhere bad. But when I listed all of the the things I’d gone through since September, four days of crying seemed appropriate. I was due a sad season.

A friend called and asked if I’d watched Landman yet, knowing I was stuck at home and was a Yellowstone fan. I hadn’t. She said she thought I’d really love it.

Landman is Yellowstone with oil instead of cattle and my loving it was an understatement. They say when the student is ready, the teacher appears and that teacher appears to be Taylor Sheridan. I’ve not seem pumpjacks in action since being a kid in western Canada when I was surrounded by giant metal grasshoppers on drives to see extended family. I grew up with businessmen in cowboy hats and boots and sparkly women draped in fur (our family friends were Alberta’s most prominent furriers and had their own plane) and so the people seemed instantly familiar. I could feel the how the sunshine reflects off hard earth and into your bones through the screen. The people I visited back then have all died, as has that way of life, but Landman brought the feelings I had at that time roaring back.

I watched the entire two seasons back-to-back over two days. I’ve never been so sad to have a show end and I watch all the good ones. If you have not watched it yet, I am so jealous. The world building is spectacular.

Is it a show for everybody? No. I imagine there are probably a lot of haters. It’s MAGA adjacent and veers into fossil fuel propaganda, but in this season of my life, it perfectly resonated with me. Do I need to be moving to Alberta?

When I started to watch the show, I felt as though I were at a bit of a crossroads mentally. I could enter the pain Olympics and go for gold (Q4 2025 pretty much guarantees me a bronze.) Or I could take a page from Angela Norris - Landman protagonist Tommy Norris’s ex-wife - who is played for keeps by Ali Larter. When she’s not taking back her Bentley from her second husband or getting the retirement home residents drunk at a strip club, she’s sharing her perspective on life which is basically to have fun all the time. Every meal is themed. Every occasion is celebrated hard. Her motto is, “Baby, I win every day.” And she does.

None of these characters have it easy. We do not know Angela’s backstory but she seizes joy like a lifebuoy and you know that she’s not had it easy (she’s had two divorces, we know her ex used to drink and disappear into work, and they were financially wiped out in 2008, which hits close to the bone for me.) She cares deeply for people who have been abandoned by the world. I’d love a prequel on this woman. If there is no Angela Norris fan fiction out there, I might write it.

Angela reminds me of a woman I knew in real life. This woman was a wild cat who tore through our conservative suburb causing chaos. And yet, she was joyful. She threw themed parties and dressed up and freely spent the money given her by her husband who worked overseas and sent home buckets of cash. She splashed money around like Axe cologne at a middle school. She wore bikinis in the most inappropriate of venues. Like Angela, her unspoken mottos was “Take life by the balls, and twist.” She was slightly terrifying and at one point, after chasing me through a ski chalet sporting a strap-on trying to get me involved in a threesome with a personal chef hired for the weekend, I had to cut her loose (she said it was a joke but I have my doubts.) And yet, I still admire her. She did not let societal rules get in the way of her zest for life. She brought a lot of joy to people and was very generous. She alluded to a very rocky childhood and once told me that life had handed her a shit sandwich so she decided to drink it with Cristal. I admire that.

At times, Angela seems like she’s a relief valve for what can be a pretty intense show as the oil men (and this is a male-driven show) fight drug cartels for property rights. But she’s more that just funny window dressing. She offers a counterpoint to her ex-husband’s pragmatic view, which is why he cannot quit her even though she drives him crazy. He sees her joyful spirit as oxygen for his family.

“You want every meal to be memorable, every moment to be an experience, and every night to be a honeymoon. And I think it’s beautiful.”

Her joy is her gift. Her ex-husband can’t match her joy but can bathe in it. Without giving anything away, season 2 ends with joy but also a foreshadowing of what awaits the Norris family in season 3.

“You know, honey, the times are coming when tragedy is going to dominate our days. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s cancer, maybe my mind goes. Or, god forbid, maybe it’s you. Car wreck or whatever. But not today. Today we win.”

Midlife is season 3 of Landman. Trouble is coming. It came for me this past year. My mom’s mind went and then she died. My dad got cancer. I got sick and then got well but it was fucking scary and I’m still not 100%. Adults kids have their own lives, which is both inspiring and terrifying as a parent.

Which is why you need to take Angela’s view and focus on the joy.

"Baby, I win every day. You do too — you just don’t see it. But it’s there. I mean, it’s all around you. You just gotta take the time to notice."

Even pessimistic Tommy takes note of this at one point when he’s moving from crisis to crisis at work: “You gotta enjoy the moments between the problems. Otherwise, problems is all you’ll have.”

So I’m going to take time to notice. I’m not saying I plan to blow $2000 on one truffle for pasta night or $100K at Neimans as Angela does but I’m going to relish watching Love is Blind with my daughter since she’s home on reading week. And enjoying going to the Auto Show with my son. I’m going to get rid of clients I don’t like and write my novel. We have pancakes last night for Shrove Tuesday and I’m giving up stress for the next 40 days since - in spite of what a lot of churches will tell you - God wants us to be joyful. I’m not necessarily a ball twister of life but I’m going to take hard note of the wins.

I am making new city friends. I am surrounded my art. I have money in the bank. My kids are finding their place in the world. I’m healthy. My dad’s treatment party worked. I’m finding cousins I did not know I had. Teddy is off his diet since the vet agrees that fat and happy is the way to go given all of his other issues. My daughter has a good job for after graduation that is in this country. Spring is coming. I might buy a car and relearn to drive. I show up at lunches on my own and meet new people.

I am a long way from running around in a string bikini and taking old folks to a casino, daring the police to arrest me. But I also refuse to sit around the house feeling sad.

Spring is coming. Dinners can be themed. Shiny outfits can be worn to bring some levity. We cannot outrun our problems, but we can arm ourselves with joy. If you need something to give up for lent, shed a losing mindset and focus on the wins. Let me know how you feel in 40 days and I will do the same.

Xx