Propaganda I'm not falling for again
How midlife resets expectations
I know social media generally is the devil but I do love a couple of trending items. The We Do Not Care Club is gold: Melani Sanders’ delivery is perfection. I also love Propaganda I’m not falling for again posts where one lists popular things that create a lot of FOMO, but tend to disappoint.
My list would include:
Champagne
Tennis clubs
Sweet tea
Dating
Tasting menus
Hyped up concerts (Gaga notwithstanding)
Any event that starts after 9pm
Relationship drama
Bottle service
Sample sales
Europe in July and August
Cottages
Beach houses (except other people’s.)
Expensive cars (except other people’s)
Anything sold on Instagram
Last year, I added attending F1 races to this list. Now, I’ve been attending races since 1989, waaaay before Drive to Survive. I have proof!
Ayrton Senna in Montreal, 1989
With Derek Warwick in my preppy era in high school.
F1 and I had a good run. I attended the race while pregnant (probably why both my kids love cars) and have brought my kids (my son even got to meet former F1 champion Jacques Villeneuve last year, which was fun.) But after last year’s weekend cost two of us just under five figures and we got hit with both blistering sun and hail (!) I was done. At one point during qualifying, they started to evacuate the island but put us in a metal shed to wait out a lightning storm (!!) and it became crystal clear that the organizers wanted us dead so they could fill the place with more OnlyFans models. Even the racing itself is not the same anymore due to changes with the governing body. So we are filing it under propaganda I’m no longer falling for (unless I manage to get to Silverstone one day.) I’m became one of these “Everything was better in the old days” people and I let our tickets go.
Studies have shown that long-term happiness tends to be based on the gap between our expectations and reality. When we have very high expectations for something, we cannot help but be disappointed. The best example of this is the Sex and the City reboot, And Just Like That. Sex and the City was popular but was not a particularly good show. It became iconic in its years off the air and many of us built it up in our minds so much that the reboot could only disappoint. But now that we know that And Just Like That is terrible, we can relax with zero expectations. So when there is a funny moment like when Seema was hate dating, we are, like, this is amazing!
Life works a lot like that.
So when my son asked if we could drive to Watkin’s Glen in New York this past weekend for an IMSA race, I thought, why not? It’s a low key event. Cheap and cheerful. Low expectations! And we had dry powder from not attending F1 the prior weekend.
IMSA is not F1. The major sponsor is a hot dog company and the biggest celebrity was this guy:
It’s real racing, mind you. Former F1 drivers Romain Grosjean and Daniil Kvyat were driving this vehicle. Many performance car companies are putting money in the sport. It’s a thing.
It’s kind of weird racing. This race involved 56 cars divided into four racing categories, racing in four different races, at very different speeds, at the same time, on the same track, for six hours. What?? Only a man could have dreamt this up. I’m guessing it’s the same fellow who came up with the Turducken. It makes zero sense, but people seem to like it.
It’s not fancy like F1. You do not dress to be cute. You dress for survival. Thankfully, we had some cloud cover since we are in some kinds of hellish heat dome right now, but it was still hot. We had end-of-the-world rain for about ten minutes. Thankfully, I’ve been doing this long enough that I had both hooded ponchos and three types of sunscreen at the ready. If my children ever question my love for them, I’ll simply show them photos from various outdoor events I’ve endured at their request.
Still, I was pleasantly surprised. Watkins Glen is a nice venue and the finger lakes are gorgeous. We were able to book a lakeview room less than a week before the event and it did not cost more than my first car did. And, we got free breakfast with make-your-own waffles and fruit loops. You don’t get that at a Four Seasons!
We had some great bonding time. We had some laughs. It felt like a holiday. I give it 10/10.
And fear not: Teddy was in his happy place at the dog hotel. His hotel stay came with some hand-selected friends, a nightly tuck in, and the resident photographer. He was basically at F1.
Is the secret to happiness simply setting one’s sights’s lower? According to brain science and human performance theory, it kind of is. One of the secrets to life is discovering that all of the things that are hyped up are slightly disappointing and low-key things are actually pretty great. When I make my gratitude lists every night, I’m often giving thanks for things like the Toronto Public Library books delivered to my Kobo (Sue Hincenbergs’ The Retirement Plan is great!) and Summer’s Chocolate Chip ice cream (it’s made with Callebaut chocolate.) The big spendy events don’t always make the cut.
Now, as a manifesting type, I don’t like to set the bar too low, so I experiment. When I grew tired of F1, I didn’t say: everything sucks now and I’m never leaving the house or spending money again. Instead I thought, what did I like about F1 in the beginning?
I love the opportunity to spend time with my kids. I love the sound of racing. I love the energy of the fans. I like a road trip. I like a hotel and not having to plan meals. F1 is not the only way to get that experience. So when my son proposed this race, I was all in.
F1 is prestigious - and that I like. But I find that the ultimate luxury is having a lot of margin - financial, time, energetic - in my life so I’m appreciating things that leave me feeling enriched instead of depleted. I felt relaxed after the IMSA weekend, not in need of an IV drip and a lottery win. So maybe the hot dog race comes out on top there too?
I’ve always been a planner but find that I’m really valuing spontaneity these days. Last minute concerts and sporting events have been more enjoyable that the ones booked way in advance. For me, spontaneity helps keep my expectations in check. I think that these very hyped up, overplanned events lead to a lot of disappointment. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to get married these days with three dresses and two ceremonies and parties all over the globe. I find that last minute activities tend to be more delightful and that’s expectancy theory at play. A week ago, I assumed I’d be reading yet another domestic thriller on my sofa wondering what to make for dinner, so eating hot dogs in the bleachers with my son seemed like a treat. And when the sun came out and the breeze from the lake picked up, it was heaven.
What propaganda are you no longer falling for? What are you falling for instead?
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